I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
