Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
