Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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