I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's like heaven, but drunker
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
