allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
