My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
