the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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