It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
