It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
