would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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