Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
