Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize