I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
