what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
