she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
