...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
