I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
