I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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