Where did you get a picture of my penis
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
