Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
