Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
