it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
