I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
