I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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