if you like me you must not know who I am
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
