Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
