All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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