Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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