the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
