kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
