Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
