so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
