i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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