Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
