I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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