taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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