I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
