First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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