First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
