somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
