my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
