woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
