How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize