Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
