your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
