I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize