his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
