Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
God I need to hump something, right now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
