Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize