Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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