Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
