tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
