Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
