My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
