well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
