i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
