Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
