This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
