Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize