My entire life is one complicated drinking game
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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