Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
