Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
