Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
