I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
